FRIDAY HUMOR: How The Next Presidential Election Gets Settled

Even though this reads more like a good Sven and Ole joke, I guess because we’re getting into the political season I might as well go with it as it was provided to me.   Enjoy the weekend!

The 2012 Presidential election was too close to call.  Neither Mitt Romney nor Obama had enough votes to win.  There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things.  The candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

After much back and forth discussion, it was decided the contest would take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota.  There were to be no observers present and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.

At the end of the first day, Mitt Romney returned to the starting line and he had 10 fish.  Soon, Obama returned and had no fish.  Well, everyone assumed he was just having a bad day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day Mitt came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, the Democrats got together secretly and said, “We think Mitt Romney is a low-life, cheatin’ son-of-a-gun. Tomorrow don’t bother fishing.  Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.”

The next night (after Mitt returns with 50 fish), the Democrats got together for the report on how the Republicans were cheating.

Obama said, “You’re not going to believe this…he’s cutting holes in the ice.”

©2012 Jim Braaten. All Rights Reserved. No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

FRIDAY FUNNY: Ole And Lena On Thin Ice

Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern Minnesota. It vas early vinter and da lake had yust froze over.

Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store to get him some smokes. She asked him for some money, but he told her, “Nah, yust put it on our tab.”20120106-085330.jpg

So Lena valked across, got the smokes at da yeneral store, den walked back home across the lake. Ven she got home and gave Ole his smokes, she asked him, “Ole, you alvays tell me not to run up da tab at da store. Why didn’t you yust give me some money?”

Ole replied, “Vell, I didn’t vant to send you out dere vit some money ven I vasn’t sure how tick the ice vas yet.”

©2012 Jim Braaten. All Rights Reserved. No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

Oh, by the way…this is how all of us Scandinavians up here in da nort country speak. Uffda!!

Friday Funny: A Little Scandinavian Humor–Minnesota Style

Ole and Sven were drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Minneapolis and one day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Ole said, “I vish ve had somethin ta drink!”

Sven says, “Me too. Y’know, I hear you can drink dat yet fuel and get a buzz. Ya vanna try it?”

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and got completely smashed.  Next morning Ole woke up and is surprised at how good he feels.  In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover!

NO bad side effects. Nothing!

The phone rang.  It was Sven who asks “How iss you feelin dis mornin?”

Ole says, “I feel great.  How bout you?”

Sven says, “I feel great, too.  Ya don’t have no hangover?”

Ole says, “No dat yet fuel iss great stuff — no hangover, nothin. Ve oughta do dis more often.”

Sven agreed. “Yeah, vell, but dere’s yust vun ting.”

Ole asked, “Vat’s dat?”

Sven questioned, “Haff you farted yet?”

Ole stopped to think. “No.”

“Vell, DON’T, ’cause I’m in Iowa.


# # # # #


©2011 Jim Braaten.  All Rights Reserved.  No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

Friday Funny: Bear Shot Near A Restaurant, Eh?

This bear was shot near a restaurant in Alberta by a Newfoundlander who was working at Fort McMurray.  The man who shot the bear said he took it upon himself because it was hanging around a food outlet and he was concerned for the safety of others.

“If you can’t laugh at yourself, then how can you laugh at anybody else?  I think people see the human side of you when you do that.” ~Payne Stewart

Have a great weekend!!

©2011 Jim Braaten.  All Rights Reserved.  No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

Friday Funny: A Wish To Live Forever

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish.  “I want to live forever,” I said.

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that!”

“Fine,” I said, “then I want to die right after Congress finally gets their heads out of their @$$es!”

“You crafty bastard,” said the fairy.

Have a great weekend everybody!!

©2011 Jim Braaten.  All Rights Reserved.  No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

Friday Funny: The Four Types Of Labs

Here’s a quick Friday Funny I gypped from a friend’s Facebook site.   Enjoy!!

MethLab

©2011 Jim Braaten.  All Rights Reserved.  No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

I Bet You Didn’t Expect To See This!!

Okay, I’m feeling in a weird mood today.   Time for a fun little video with a surprise at the end.   Enjoy!

©2011 Jim Braaten.  All Rights Reserved.  No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

Some Folks Have Too Much Time On Their Hands

First observed this little video over at Moldy Chum and thought I would share it.   Some people have just way too much time on their hands to create a tip-up like this.   Instead of a typical flag to alert the fisherman to a strike, this contraption uses a Rattle Reel that ultimately detonates and launches a bottle rocket to alert when there’s a fish on.   Check it out:

©2011 Jim Braaten.  All Rights Reserved.  No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

FRIDAY FUNNY: When The Love Fades…

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife’s voice from the kitchen…

“What would you like for dinner my Love?   Chicken, beef or fish?”

I said, “Thank you, darling…I’ll have chicken.”

She replied, “You’re having soup, @$$hole.   I was talking to the cat.”

– = END = –

©2011 Jim Braaten.  All Rights Reserved.  No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

10 Reasons Why A First Deer Is Better Than A First Kiss

This past weekend sitting in the deer stand I got to thinking about certain things in life.   In our small deer camp we had two hunters bag their very first deer…indeed, excitement was in the air shared by all of us regarding this life-changing event.

Observing their excitement, it made me think back to my very first deer.   Then, I got thinking about other “firsts” in life—like a first car, a first job…heck, I even thought back to my first kiss.

IMG00400-20101107-1351_cull

Young Matt takes his very first deer this past Sunday morning. As for his first kiss, no information was currently available at the time of this posting.

Then, several hours of idle time sitting in the deer stand further got my mind to pondering all these important questions in life.   Somehow, I settled on drawing the comparison between a first deer and a first kiss.

I suppose a non-hunter really wouldn’t understand where I’m about to go with this, but then unless you’ve truly experienced the wonders of hunting there tends to be a lot missing from a person’s life, at least in my experience.

So, here’s my take on Why A First Deer Is Better Than A First Kiss:

  1. A first deer NEVER starts boyfriend/girlfriend rumors causing all your friends to tease you.
  2. A person always takes the time to pose for pictures with their first deer…besides, who wants photographic evidence of that first smooch?
  3. A first kiss usually happens quickly and is quite likely disappointing.  A first deer may take years of effort and the sweet reward of success provides lasting satisfaction.
  4. A person can drive around town and show off their first deer.
  5. It’s ALWAYS necessary to clean up after a first deer.  Rarely, if ever, does a first kiss provide that much sloppy fun.
  6. After a first kiss you could develop a reputation as a lousy kisser.  After a first deer nobody will think of you as a lousy hunter.
  7. With a first kiss you might regret later that it ever happened.   With a first deer there are never any lingering feelings of regret.
  8. If you’re lucky with a first kiss you might remember his/her name.   With a first deer, on the other hand, a hunter likely remembers the date, the time of day, weather conditions, the clothes that were worn, the equipment that was used, who was with the hunter, etc. etc.
  9. A first kiss causes some folks to deny it ever happened.   I’ve yet to meet a hunter who denies ever shooting their first deer.
  10. AND FINALLY, a first deer almost always gives you a little tongue action.  A first kiss…ahh…well, not so likely.

©2010 Jim Braaten.  All Rights Reserved.  No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

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