If figure because deer season was such a joke this year…I’ve decided to dedicate today’s blog to a few (some rather stupid) deer hunting jokes. It was either do that or continue crying about the fact I didn’t even see a deer this season when hunting…I’m sure you’ll prefer the jokes:
Sven and Ole were dragging their dead deer back to their car when another hunter, Lars, approached pulling his along too.
Lars looked over and said, "hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something…but if you drag da deer in da other direction it will be a lot easier. Den the antlers won’t dig into the ground."
As soon as Lars left, the other two decided to give it try.
A short time later Sven said to Ole, "Ya know, dat guy was right. Dis is a lot easier!"
"Ya,” Ole said, “but we seem to be getting’ farder from the truck."
# # #
One day Sven and Ole were Deer Hunting, and they got lost. Sven tells Ole "wait, don’t panic I learned what to do in case this happens. You’re supposed to shoot up into the air three times and someone will hear you and come with help,"
"Okay" said Ole. So he shoots three times into the air. They both wait an hour and no one shows up. So they shoot three times again and still no one shows up. Bewildered they try this again and again for the next couple of hours.
Ole starts to look a little worried, then he shouts "It better work this time, were down to our last three arrows!"
# # #
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
# # #
A carload of deer hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer’s yard. The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt on his land.
The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? That old mule over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don’t have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?
The hunter said, "Sure" and headed for the car.
Walking back, however, he decided to pull a trick on his deer hunting buddies. He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer said it was OK, he said, "No, we can’t hunt here, but I’m going to teach that old cuss a lesson."
With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his rifle out and blasted the mule. Then he exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!"
A second shot rang out from the passenger side and one of his deer hunting buddies shouted, "I got his cow, lets get out of here!!!"
# # #
One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget. They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.
"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don’t know how long I was asleep when I was
awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this…… ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!……. I tell you, I just messed my pants."
The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don’t blame you, I would have messed my pants too if a lion jumped out at me."
The old man shook his head and said, "No, no, not then, just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!"
# # #
And on that note…I think it’s time to quit all this nonsense!!
© 2004 Jim Braaten. All Rights Reserved. No Reproduction without Prior Permission.
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