Let’s face it, we’ve all had those days when things just don’t seem to go the right way in our lives. This can be especially frustrating when out deer hunting. Consider these ten sure signs that today probably isn’t that day you will score on that trophy deer you’ve been dreaming about.
- You somehow find your deer hunting clothes laying on the floor and the dog slept on them all night. Guess what? You’re not shooting a deer today. Go back to bed.
- You open the door to the house to walk to the truck. Suddenly you see a blur of movement over near your garden catching a glimpse of white tails swishing in the air. Guess what? You’ve just seen the only deer you will likely see all day today. This is a bad omen before even getting to the woods. Go back to bed.
- You turn on the truck radio and instead of Queen’s “Another One Bites The Dust” you hear, instead, the Little River Band song “Lonesome Loser.” Turn the truck around as you’re not shooting a deer today. Might as well go back to bed.
- While driving to the woods you see a shooting star and immediately make a wish that contains 12–points. Moments later a black cat goes dashing across the road in front of your truck. You swerve trying to hit it…but miss and nearly drive into the ditch. Face it…today’s not gonna be your day. Might as well drive to the nearest truck stop and have breakfast instead.
- You stop at your buddy’s house to pick him up to go hunting. The house is completely dark with no signs of movement inside. Outside the house you gently tap on his bedroom window in an effort to get his attention. Instead you hear other strange, but obvious noises inside. Turns out he has a change in plans and you’re not included in them. Might as well head to the woods alone to ponder what you are missing out on at home. You’re not getting a deer with distractions like that!
- You finally make it to the woods and park your truck. You exit stepping in a fresh pile of Timber Wolf scat. There ain’t a deer within a mile of you right now and you reek of a feared predator. Things just aren’t going well…might as well check your watch to see how long until the local pub opens.
- You say to hell with it and start hiking in on your trail. Damn, it’s dark this particular morning and you get a bit disoriented and veer somewhat off path. Suddenly a resilient sapling snaps up and nails you right in the crotch. You’re breathless…you’re fighting off systemic shock from the sheer acute pain…you fall to the ground and let out a large groan. It’s not your day. You won’t shoot a deer. Might as well go home and start working on that “honey-do” list—ice packs inside pants included.
- You finally make it to your deer stand only to find the recent windstorm has blown over your tree and completely crushed your expensive new deer stand. You drop to your knees and start sobbing repeating “Why me? Why me?” Do you really think with this kind of luck you’re getting a deer? Not today!
- You’re sitting in your deer stand. The woods has been unusually quiet. Suddenly a ruckus erupts beyond the tree line over by a small meandering stream. A great blue heron takes to flight lumbering and bee lining towards your location. An uneasy feeling is growing inside you…and suddenly your worst fear has been realized. Your equipment and clothing is splattered with loose, disgusting fecal matter. It’s not your day. The entire woods community is telling you to go home and you haven’t listened. You’re not scoring on a deer today.
- You head home and unload all your equipment from the truck. The spouse once again shoves that “honey-do” list toward your face. You notice several tasks require a trip to the hardware store…so you drive back to town. Time to make this day productive in finishing projects if not connecting with a deer. Just when all thoughts have turned to re-caulking window sills and cleaning gutters it happens. Brakes squealing!!…SMASH!! Damned if you didn’t just nail a deer in the front quarter panel of your new truck. The damage is extensive…but you finally got your deer. Oh, wait…where did it go? Crap! It’s just not your day…now might be a good time to believe the signs and go back to bed.
©2013 Jim Braaten. All Rights Reserved. No Reproduction without Prior Permission.