Here’s Yet Another Reason To Hate Cats

Did you hear the story about the house cat that shot it’s owner? Read the article here. Seems some guy in Michigan kept a loaded handgun in his house and the cat somehow knocked it off the counter causing it to discharge. Miraculously the gun discharged and wounded the gun owner, who also happens to be the cat owner.

It’s no secret I am not particularly fond of cats. Indoors cats cause my body to become highly reactive to the allergins these cats create. Thank God for the drug Claratin!!

But it is the outdoor cats that cause me the most concern as a sportsman. These little critters can be some of the most destructive predators found in our outdoors. Studies have shown that ordinary house cats can put a definite dent into our upland bird populations, such as pheasants, grouse and ordinary song birds. That innocent-looking cat is nothing but a killing machine once it leaves confines of the yard where it belongs.

I know several sportsmen who make it a practice to plink at any cat that is roaming in the wild. Truth is, a cat that is not staying home is on the prowl and likely up to no good. Have I shot at and killed stray cats? You bet! Would I have any qualms about shooting at a neighbor’s cat that is 1/2 mile or so from where it belongs…no way!

I do not view ordinary house cats–whether they have become bona fide stray or not–as part of the normal ecosystem, yet they make a big impact on the species that I enjoy to view and hunt.

I guess one of the big reasons I am not a fan of cats is because they are nothing but a nuisance, whether indoors and especially outdoors. Responsible pet ownership dictates that pets we keep should not be responsible for killing our native fauna. Pets should be trained to eat the food the owners provide, and not have some uncontrollable urge to kill.

Look at it this way…a pheasant hunter who accidentally shoots a hen when they are not allowed as part of the bag limit is scoffed at by his peers and belittled by such poor sportsmanship behavior. Not to mention that it likely is an actionable offense violating the state game laws. But if that same hunter allows his cat to roam and kill a whole brood of baby pheasants it is currently not looked at in the same light. If such laws exist to forbid such activity it is rarely if ever prosecuted.

Sportsmen, cat owners and nature lovers alike need to understand that cats can be very dangerous in many ways. And yes, some poor kitty in Michigan is now responsible for attempted homicide on its owner. I guess a bit of misfortune was necessary for this poor cat owner to learn the hard way not to turn his back on an unpredictable cat.

This Fish Hoax Gets You Slimed

February 7, 2005
Outdoor Humor
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Okay, I will admit it…there is nothing better than a good April fool’s joke. And yes, I realize that April is still a mere 7 weeks away…but when I came across this story it was just too good to wait on. It seems that a mischievous outdoors writer several years back started an urban legend that has taken on a legion of believers.

The hoax:

Catfish slime was purported to have hallucinogenic properties and was becoming the new craze with select college students. In fact, the students were calling themselves “slimers” and were known to pay as much as $200 for a fresh catch.

Of course this was all nonsense, but a good believable story has a way of taking legs…and that is exactly what this story did. Today, five years later, it is still a popular urban legend among many folks who unwittingly keep the silliness alive.

So what’s in store for this year’s joke? Well, apparently the party responsible for creating this bit of nonsense has something new in store for the first day of April. I guess we will all need to wait and see what it turns out to be this year…but sometimes a good joke takes months to set up.

Perhaps one of the best practical jokes I heard lately was a father who played a good joke on his kids. The set up came with him throwing in a VCR tape and recording the morning programming on one of those days when there were massive school closings due to winter weather. Well, imagine the surprise and amazement on the morning of April 1st when the school closings were scrawled along the bottom of the TV screen. The kids got so excited and called their friends with the prospect that they would have a day off school…only to quickly learn it was all a terrible prank. Sometimes it’s the preparation in advance that allows a good joke to materialize.

So jokesters start thinking…April will be here before you know it!!

Hunter Waves Underwear To Hail Rescuers

Every now and then you run across a news story that is so bizarre you can’t make the stuff up. Consider the story of Ben Lipscomb who was waterfowling and became lost in an Arkansas bayou but was resourceful enough to use his white underwear to alert rescuers to his location. Worse yet, even if this situation did happen to you…a stranded hunter has to know that goofy antics such as this will make the news wire and you will be ridiculed.

“Pilots in an Arkansas State Police helicopter found Lipscomb shortly before 6 p.m. They spotted him waving his briefs – tied to the end of a gun barrel. After all, it’s hard to see somebody in camouflage at dusk in the woods. But a pair of white underwear is very visible, Lipscomb said.”

Hey, it happens to the best of us. You spend enough time in the outdoors you will get lost. As Lipscomb realized, one of the worst things that can happen is to find some hunting success and suddenly your mind wanders from matters relating to your bearings.

But, as most hunters realize, becoming lost does not mean you start acting irrationally. In fact, one of the first things a sportsman should do when accepting the fact he or she is lost is to sit down and devise a plan. For some strange reason that concept evaded Lipscomb. His plan for dealing with survival was this:

“Lipscomb started thinking he might have to spend a cold night outside. He had a few handfuls of bayou water and ate a raw duck breast.”

Alright, I remember thinking back to the time I was in a similar situation hunting antelope out in Montana. When faced with the prospect of being lost and having to spend the overnight in cold, snowy weather…at no time did I even consider cutting out a raw tenderloin and eating it…or chewing on some sagebrush for nourishment. Fact is, a stranded sportsman is not at immediate risk for starving to death or dying from dehydration.

"I’ve got to thank the Arkansas State Police, the Arkansas County Sheriff’s Office, Arkansas Game and Fish, the Benton County Sheriff’s Office and the Arkansas County Department of Emergency Services," Lipscomb said.