Several weeks back I informed you in this blog how I had placed my mother into hospice (end-of-life) care and how I would likely be stepping away from regular blogging for a while during this process. Several of you have reached out to me asking how things are going, so I will just give a brief summary.
Quite honestly, two months ago when I place my mother into hospice, my brother and I both agreed by all accounts she wouldn’t last long. She had simply reached a point in her life where she wanted things to be over. Being nursing home bound and requiring staff to feed, bathe, and do all of the day-to-day life needs simply caused her to lose her will to thrive at the age of 85.
I must say the process of watching a loved one creep toward their last breath is not very easy. At times it is downright heartbreaking, at other times it is emotionally and physically draining, yet, with everything going on it has also been a period where I have done some deep introspection about death. Heck, for that matter…maybe it would be more appropriate to say about life.
Those of us who are sportsmen often deal with death. We take the lives of the game or fish we pursue, we sometimes have to make the excruciating decision to put our canine partners down. Hell, if you’ve made it to middle age you may have already said “goodbye” to several hunting and fishing partners who have passed on.
Death is not easy. It is also not predictable. Yet, watching my mother inch toward “better days ahead” in a spiritual sense has certainly given me a greater appreciation for my life. During the process I’ve learned as much about myself as I have about her wonderful time spent on earth.
Over the course of the past several weeks I’ve taken my time to grieve. We’ve said all the “goodbyes” and “I Love You’s” a person would expect to hear from a caring family. I’ve tried to spend as much time at her bedside as is feasible, yet carrying on with the other important facets of life—like family and work.
Indeed, my mind lately has been distracted and distant much of the time. As important as blogging is to me…other priorities had taken on greater importance to my life at this moment in time. I know most of you understand.
However, with all of this said…I’m reaching a point where I need to regain control of my life and attempt to bring it back into balance. So much of my life has been “on hold” during the past several months anticipating something that isn’t quite happening at the pace I once expected it would. To some extent, it is time to move on with my life.
In ten days the 2012 Minnesota Fishing Opener kicks off and I had considered breaking tradition and not going this year on my normal 5–hour trek from home. Not the case. As I have done all previous years in this blog, I plan to go and write about my experiences on the water during this special annual fishing weekend.
My mother, well…she continues to get weaker and hardly eats or drinks. She has many more bad days than she experiences any good days. From hour to hour I don’t know what to expect from her as her health and mental state fluctuates quite unpredictably.
In closing, I want to thank all of you for expressing your concern and your prayers. My family appreciates everything and is strengthened by such heartfelt generosity. On a bright note, I’m here to tell you I’m attempting to get back into the swing of posting regular pieces to this blog. I hope you’ll cut me some slack and understanding if it doesn’t happen…but that is my intent.
Be strong & courageous. Do not be terrified or discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. -Josh. 1:9